Banking with Charlize

One of the oldest Hollywood legends is that Lana Turner was 'discovered' at Schwab's Drugstore soda fountain. That legend must've been very popular with the Schwabs management- since it might attract business from 'discoveree' wannabes, as well as people who appreciate Lana Turner wannabes.

I remembered that story a hile back when I read that when Charlize Theron first arrived in Hollywood, she went to a local bank, and tried to cash an out of state check- which the management refused to do. Ms. Theron proceeded to pitch a *major* conniption fit- until a man approched her, and informed her that she was an agent. And wonder of wonders, he actually was- and the rest is history.

Ms. Theron is an extraordinarily beautiful woman with a great deal of talent, and apparently just about everyone seems to like her- except I suppose, the tellers at that bank, who, by this time, are probably *heartily* sick of Charlize Theron wannabes who go ballistic when they can't get cash for an out of state check.

Wood County, Ohio

A while back I told the story of Wood County, Ohio's county seat of Wooster. Oops, my bad. Actually Wooster is the county seat of *Wayne* County, Ohio. The county seat of Wood County is Bowling Green. Many years ago, I had a job interview there. I learned that the school colors of Bowling Green State University are dark brown and burnt orange. Go figure.

During my short stay in Bowling Green, I unsuccessfully searched for a bowling alley- so I did not get a chance to fulfill an ambition I'd had since my days in Boy Scouts, many, many years before:
'Let's go bowling in Bowling Green
in Bowling Green, in Bowling Green
Let's go bowling in Bowling Green
with a green bowling ball!'

Gloria Steinem (Rated R)

Political Content Advisory- you *have* been warned- contains MATURE content


I'm glad I have some familiarity with English/English venacular (as opposed to American/English). That way, I get to say that Gloria Steinem is a complete and utter TWIT, instead of some other vowel to fill in tw*t.
I recently read an account by Senator James Webb, that he and Steinem were both attending the same seminar on Sept. 11, 2001. Webb states that upon heaing of the attacks, he said that the United States needed to do whatever was necessary to find those responsible and eliminate them. Webb reports that Steinem then said to him, as if speaking to a small child, 'When did violence accomplish anything?'
OK, that settles it: Gloria Steinem is a complete ignoramous as far as power politics is concerned.
1. Why is the United States an independent country?
2. Why is Florida US territory?
3. Why is California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Nevada, and Utah part of the United States?
4. Why is America one country, not two?
5. What eliminated slavery from the United States?
6. Why are Guam and Puerto Rico US territories?
7. Why is the Hollenzollern family no longer the reigning as the Royal Family of Germany?
8. How did we get rid of Hitler?
9. Why is South Korea an independent country?
Mark Twain once said, 'It isn't ignorance that's dangerous- it is people who know things that just ain't so' By that standard, Gloria Steinem is VERY dangerous. What strikes me as especially INEXCUSEABLE about that comment is that she comes from a Jewish family. OK, Biblical scholars,
1. How did the Israelites make it out of Eygpt. Passover- Angel of Death-Red Sea- Pharoah's Army?
2. How did David get to be King of Israel?
3. What's Purim?
4. What happened during Channukah?
5. How has Israel managed to survive the last 60 years?
Am I running up the score here? Gentle Readers, do you now understand why I can't take GS seriously?
As egregious as that was, I thought her conduct in defending Bill Clinton was a whole lot worse. There is an old legal maxim that all good dogs are entitled to *one* bite. If, however, your dog bites a second time, then you've got a problem. According to Ms. Steinem, every boss is entitled to one grope. She wrote a column in the New York Times stating that Clinton's alleged conduct towards Kathleen Wiley was -grabbing her hand and placing it on his crotch- was *not* sexual harassment- as long as he desisted as soon as she objected. Paula Jones? *Same* *thing*. No, I'm NOT making this up. If an employer, (A Governor of Arkansas) calls a state employee into a hotel room, drops trou, weinee-wags in her face and demands that she fellate him, no, that is NOT sexual harrassment- according to Gloria Steinem.
I am SO glad she cleared that up. By GSs standards, if Bill Clinton took the precaution of taping Juanita Brodderrick's mouth shut before raping her, well, that would not be sexual harrassment.
It's too bad that Ted Bundy was a one-time Young Republican. If he'd been a democrat, is there any question but that GS would have defended his conduct? (Let's see here, blungeoning women unconscious, murdering them and then practicing necrophilia, well, they did not *object* so that can't be sexual harassment) Thank you, Gloria Steinem!

Jack Lucas

Jack Lucas led a life worthy of Ripley's Believe It or Not.

He was a big atheletic 13 year old kid when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. A few months past his 14th birthday, he lied about his age, and joined the United States Marines. It took the Marines a while to wise up to his deception- they were about to send him home, but he said, 'If you do, I'll just join the Army' So, they put him to work driving a truck in Hawaii for the next few years. They one day he *stowed*away* on a Navy transport. He turned himself in to avoid being classified as a deserter- and volunteered to join in the battle the Marine unit onboard as about to fight. The Marine officers on the transport did not know his age- he had turned 17 a few days before, so, liking his attitude, they let him. Feb. 19, 1945, he and 75,000 other Marines went ashore on a little piece of hell called Iwo Jima.

A couple of days later, he was sharing a slit trench with some other Marines when *two* Japanese grenades landed in the trench. Lucas threw himself on top of the grenades. He then caught a bit of a break. One of the grenades was a dud. The other was not. The explosion left 250 shrapnel fragments in his body, and his buddies left him for dead. Amazingly, he was still alive- although his injuries required surgery 26 different times. Jack Lucas lived to be tyhe youngest Medal of Honor winner in the history of the United States Marine Corps. After receiving the Medal of Honor from President Truman, Lucas went back to high school, to finish his senior year. (I wonder if, on the first day of class, his teacher asked him to write an essay on 'What I Did on My Summer Vacation'?)

I would have thought that that would have been enough excitement for one lifetime- but no. Jack Lucas decided that he wanted to overcome his fear of heights- so he joined the Army, and volunteered to become a paratrooper. One day, as he put it, 'He was the last guy out the plane, but the first to reach the ground'. Both his parachutes failed. Jack Lucas survived the fall. (I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall, when he had a talk with the parachute riggers: 'I wish to make a complaint...')

Jack Lucas died this past summer at the age of 80. If he were still around I think I'd ask him to pick out a lottery ticket number for me.

Just the Facts

While Iraq is definitely a hot button issue, everybody chill out for a minute. Here are the monthly totals of American military dead in Iraq. Draw your own conclusions:

2007

Jan 83

Feb 81

Mar 81

Apr 104

May 126

Jun 101

Jul 80

Aug 84

Sep 66

Oct 38

Nov 37

Dec 23

2008

Jan 40

Feb 29

Mar 39

Apr 52

May 19

Jun 29

Jul 13

Aug 19

Sep 25

A few days ago, my dear ol' 88 year old Dad was opining about Iraq (he knows everything about everything, because he reads the New York Times. He can access all the latest information about Manhatten, but couldn't tell you what movies are playing a two miles away). I said, 'Dad, have you talked to anybody who has *served* there?' Well, no, actually. Whenever I see someone in uniform (usually down at the Franklin County Courthouse) I ask them if they've been to Iraq, and what their outlook on the situation is. (It is very easy to determine who has been there- soldiers who have served in a combat zone wear a unit patch on their RIGHT shoulder). I'd encourage everyone who wants to know what is going on, to do the same- and draw your own conclusions.

A Fateful Cab Ride

As some of you know, my older brother Bruce and I do not get along *at**all*, for reasons too numerous to mention. However, there is one incident that stands out in my mind, even now, almost 25 years later. Clear back in May, 1984, my dear old Grandmother Drysdale breathed her last, just four months short of her 99th birthday, and my three brothers and I all assembled to attend the funeral in Severy, Kansas. That took so doing on my part, because I was onboard the USS LaSalle at the time. We were making a port visit to Karachi, Pakistan at the time. So I got up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight from Karachi, to Frankfurt, then on to Memphis, Oklahoma City, and finally Wichita, well past dark. I think I covered 10 time zones that day. Can you say "jetlag"?

Anyhow, a few days later, Bruce and I shared a cab ride back to my Dad's house, before Bruce was drive back to Athens, Ohio, here he lives. I, momentarily having the totally misguided idea that we could act like brothers, I put my hand on Bruce's shoulder- and he swatted it away *hard*. And, like an *idiot*, I said 'hey, Bruce, what's the matter?' and tried again- and he swatted my hand again- *hard*. Needless to say, if I live another 24 years I will *never* make that mistake again.

Much, much later, I asked my father what the hell had that been about, and Dad said, 'Well, Bruce told me that on the ride back from the airport you were talking with driver' At this point my father harrumphs and adds, 'That doesn't strike me as a particularly good use of time'Uh-huh. Thanks, Dad. Whereas you'd condemn Hindus for regarding some people as 'untouchables', that's just your attitude towards anybody without a college degree.

Ironically enough, I actually remember the conversation. I was in my Navy uniform, and the cabbie was a Navy vet, so we did a little bit of the, 'You're Navy too? What ship were you on? What's your rate? Where were you? Persian Gulf? No kiddin'?' That sort of thing. Of course, for Bruce Albert Mitchell, the very *thought* that anyone of *his* station should be subjected to listening to the words of someone in the *service*- well, I *never*!

It is ironic that as a defense attorney, I have to have civil conversations with some *extremely* unsavory characters, some other people who have *severe* mental problems- and some with both. I'd also like to say that I am good friends with several people I met while I was in the service, and I regard them as the salt of the earth.

I've seen Bruce twice in the past ten years. I wish I'd seen him less, I regret that I ever met him, and the next time I see him, I hope it will be at his funeral, which I look forward to attending, only to make absolutely *certain* that that s**t is actually dead. No, I'm NOT joking.Kent

Kanye West

I do not like Kanye West. I do not like him one bit. He sings a song called 'Heartless'; I think all his 'music' should be on an album called 'Talentless'.

However, I think there is a lesson to be dran from that 'artist' Recently, he posed as on a magazine cover- as Christ on the Cross. I guess he be keepin' it real, showin' what an oppressed genius he be, jes anudder Opressed milyunaire in AmeriKa. Uh-huh. When I saw that, I said to myself, well, no matter- it's not like my opinion of him could *get* any lower. Then I thought- why doesn't he do something similiar, mocking muhammed. I'll *tell* you why: because if he did, there is a very real possibility that some irate muslim would KILL his totally untalented ass, that's why!

I think I see a pattern here: many years ago, Martin Scorsese made a film called 'The Last Temptation of Christ', in which I understand, the thought occurs to Jesus, hmmm...it might be nice to marry Mary Magdalen and have a family. I have not seen the film, so I can't comment on how Scorsese handled that. Some Christians got riled and picketed movie theatres. Hoever, nobody killed Martin Scorsese.The same year, Anthony Quinn made a film called 'Muhammed, Messenger of God'. I've seen it, and it is a very favorable treatment of Muhammed and the beginnings of Islam. The film never shows Muhammed- we see his camel, his sword, and other actors address Muhammed while facing the camera- as per sharia law- no depicting the Phrophet. Well, a group of Muslims took hostages and killed a couple of people, demanding that the film be destroyed.

OK, that's my bottom line- there are some fundementalist Christians I do not care for at all- but they don't go around killing people- and I'm familiar with some fundementalist muslims who do!