The Day I Met Limbaugh

When I was teaching onboard the USS Inchon, I met a Petty Officer Limbaugh, who told me he was Rush Limbaugh's nephew. PSYCH!

I probably had a whole *bunch* of people frothing at the mouth. For people outside the United States, I think it is safe to say that people on the leftwing in America really, really, really, REALLY *HATE* Rush Limbaugh. As in if you put a leftwinger in an auditorium with Rush Limbaugh, Osama Bin Laden, and 20 terrorists, each of whom was going to set off a nuclear device that would kill a million Americans, gave the lefty a Glock with a 21 bullets in the magazine, the lefty would shoot Limbaugh 21 times, then pistol-whip him til rigor mortis set in.

Back in December 1998, I happened to be visiting my father- just as the House impeachment vote was going on. On a historic day like that, I was eager to hear what everybody, and I do mean *everybody* had to say- so I had turned on a radio, and happened to turn the dial to a station that carried Rush. My father overhears this, and starts telling me that he is *shocked*, and *appalled*, and *disappointed*...et cetera, et cetera,...

I did not bother to tell dear ol' Dad that he had all kinds of *nerve*, *gall*, and *chutzpath*, speaking to me, a 43 year old man at the time, with three college degrees, like he'd caught a third grader with a copy of Playboy (or maybe an East Berliner listening to Radio Free Europe). Instead, I let him talk himself out, and then said, 'Gee, Dad, wasn't it *YOU* who taught me that an important part of being an educated person is getting exposure to multiple points of view?'

DEAD SILENCE.....(sounds of crickets chirping)

And finally my father said, 'Touche'

Marc Christian

Does anybody remember Marc Christian? He was at one time, Rock Hudson's boyfriend/POSSLQ/Significant Other (take your pick.) After Rock Hudson's death, Christian sued Hudson's estate for Rock exposing him to AIDS without his knowledge/consent, and won a multimillion dollar judgment. (Editorial comment: sounds fair to me. I think exposing someone to AIDS is a *really* rotten thing to do.)

I once saw Mr. Christian give an interview in which he stated that he was done with men. I thought to myself: very good looking young man with millions of dollars, history of gay behavior- somewhere there are a lot of women who'd like to try straightening him out- now, there's a disaster aiting to happen.

Apparently Mr. Christian dodged the AIDS bullet- he's still alive 22 years later. And he's stayed out of the spotlight, except for one small historical footnote. Several years ago, Barbara Streisand produced a biopic of Ronald Reagan. It as not a sympathetic portrayal, to put it VERY mildy. There as one scene in which the screen Reagan, upon hearing of the deah toll from AIDS, says, 'Those who lived in sin, shall die in sin.'

That's when Marc Christian came back for his 16th minute of fame. He announced that when Rock Hudson was gravely ill, President Reagan and Nancy called Hudson to wish him well. Hmmm...that hardly sounds like the act of the homophobic monster Streisand depicted.

That is, unfortunately, an all too common feature of our current political discourse- it's not enough to disagree with someone, demonize them.

U-234

In April, 1945, less than a month before the end of the war in Europe the German submarine U-234 set sail for Japan, carrying two Japanese naval officers, a Staff Judge Advocate, two dissassembled Me-262 jet fighters, and 1,200 pounds of metal. They were in the middle of the Atlantic when they got the order to surrender. The two Japanese officers took overdoses of sleeping pills (I guess they didn't have any swords handy to commit seppuku) and the U-234 surrendered to the US Navy. In Nov. 1947 the US Navy used the U-234 as a target and sank it with a new torpedo.

If I had unlimited resources, I think I'd raise U-234 from the bottom and put it on display on the National Mall. You see, the 1,200 pounds of metal the U-234 was carrying was *uranium*. Is there *anybody* who can not figure out what that means? There are people who believe that we should not have insisted that Japan surrender unconditionally, and be totally disarmed at the end of WWII. They are *WRONG*.

Chevy Chase and Miles Browning

Occasionally, I come across a bit of history that makes my jaw drop. I've read enough WWII history that I'd heard the name Miles Browning before. He was one of the US Navy's first naval aviators. He graduated from the Naval Academy in 1918, served as a test pilot, and by 1941, he was a Commander serving as Admiral William Halsey's Chief of Staff. He served under Halsey from the day of Pearl Harbor through the Doolittle raid on Tokyo, and when Halsey was hospitalized in late May of '42, Davenport served as Admiral Spruance's chief of staff during Midway. I've read one account that Spruance originally wanted to wait until the American aircraft carriers got within 100 miles of the Japanese fleet to launch an attack. Browning, however, urged an immediate strike that proved to be a spectacular success- the Japanese lost 4 aircraft carriers at Midway, and most of their best aviators.

In October '42, when Halsey took command at Guadacanal, he asked to have Browning again assigned as his chief of staff.The following months made Halsey a legend in the US Navy. In that first year of the war, the Japanese had inflicted so many shocking defeats on the Allies- Pearl Harbor, Singapore, Indonesia, the Philippines, Burma- that they seemed invincable. Churchill once said of his own leadership during WWII that the English people had had the lion's heart-and that he, Churchill, had had the good luck to be asked to sound the roar. That was often Halsey's role in the Pacific. Immediately after Pearl Harbor, Halsey commented (for publication) 'When we get done out here, the only place Japanese will be spoken will be in hell' A sign over the front door to his headquarters in the South Pacific read, 'Kill Japs, Kill Japs, Kill More Japs!' (Halsey never lost the common touch. In one battle his flagship took a near-miss that knocked Halsey off his feet. As he struggled to regain his footing, his legs were shaking, and he noticed a sailor suppressing a laugh at his discomfiture. Halsey demanded to know what the sailor's rate was, and upon learning that it was Quartermaster Second Class, Halsey replied, 'Not anymore- now it's Quartermaster FIRST class! Any man brave enough to be laughing while my knees are knocking together deserves a promotion!' It may have been that same day when Halsey overheard a young sailor comment, 'I'd go through hell for that old bastard' to which, legend has it, Halsey replied, 'Son, I'm not *that* old!' Unfortunately, Browning had *none* of his bosses charm. He was a hard drinker who was quite unpleasant (at least that's what his first three wives would report) and caused a scandal when he had an affair with the wife of a fellow officer. (She later became his 4th, and last wife) Browning managed to get on the bad side of both Chief of Naval Operations Frank King, as well as the Secretary of the Navy Frank Knox- so, eventually he got transfered off of Halsey's staff- over Halsey's objections. Sad to say, while Halsey never lost his flair for morale boosting, he made some grievious operational mistakes in the last year of the war that certainly gotten a less popular figure relieved. If he'd had the benefit of Browning's counsel- who knows?

Browning served as the Captain of the aircraft carrier "Hornet" until Spring of '44, when he was relieved after a crewman died in a noncombat accident, then got sent back to shore duty for the rest of the war. He retired and got a "tombstone promotion" to Rear Admiral. He died from lupus in 1955, at the age of 57.

Browning had one child, a daughter, who married a guy named Chase, and they had a son named Cornelius, who very early on picked up the nickname "Chevy", and who achieved considerable success as as a comic and actor (In past 15 years or so- well, not so much) Chevy Chase got to attend all the best prep schools, (his brother went Harvard) and when it came time to go before his local draft board, Chevy, clever lad that he was, convinced them that he was a homosexual. So some kid from Appalachia, or from the barrio, or from the ghetto, went to Vietnam in his place. I once read that Chevy Chase now claims that his mother abused him. (In my opinion, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH) It's sad that a great hero like Miles Browning died so young, but at least he was spared the ignominy of learning what a liar and a coward his grandson turned out to be.

Ralph Bunche

Ralph Bunche was an American diplomat and a distinguished professor at Howard University. He also happened to be a very light-skinned black man. Once, at a party in the early 60s, the subject of Civil Rights came up, and an elderly white woman (who did not realize that Ralph Bunche was black), said to him '*Well*, would you want your daughter to marry a Negro?'

He considered that question for a moment, and then said, 'Well, not just *any* Negro.'

That's pretty much my read on the current Presidential Contest. How do I feel about America having a black President? Fine, just not *any* black President. I recognize that America electing a black President would certainly have a major on America's image throughout the world- whether Senator Barack Obama is the best person for the job- time will tell. (If he doesn't win, it will be the biggest political upset of the century.)

When I was at Notre Dame Law School, one of my classmates as a fine black fellow named Richard Blackmon. He grew up in the Chicago projects and had attended Southern Illinois University at Carbondale on a football scholarship. He was smart enough to figure out he wasn't going to play in the NFL- so he got into Notre Dame Law School- and though he struggled- he got some Cs and Ds- he made it through. When he graduated, I told him, 'Rich Blackmon, I'm very happy for you. Now that Rich Blackmon has graduated from Notre Dame Law School, Rich Blackmon is going to get to become a rich black man.' Rich was quite amused.

A few years later, I heard that Rich had gotten married (a friend of mine had attended the wedding), so I called him up, and 'Rich, I hear you got married.'

He said, 'Yeah, man- it's great!'

And I said, 'Rich, I know exactly what you should name your first born'

'What's that?'

I said, 'If you have a kid, name'em 'Highly Qualified'.' Rich was very amused. I mean, can you image the career prospects of a guy named 'Highly Qualified Blackmon'?

There's a sad postscript of my story about Rich Blackmon. In Legal Ethics class, if there is *one* thing that you are going to remember *decades* later, it is to not comingle your client's funds with you own. That makes clients funds vulnerable to a judgment against you. Rich comingled a client's funds with his own, and got a five year suspension from the Illinois Supreme Court.

Patton -- Aspie?

Recently, I read an article on General George S. Patton that made my jaw drop. It speculated that Patton might have had Asperger's syndrome-or something very much like it. Patton has been in his grave for over 60 years now, so we'll never know for sure, but it certainly makes a certain amount of sense: brilliant intellect, terrible temper, uncanny ability to make grievious social gaffes....who knows?

I have always admired Patton for his self-confidence. He once said, 'There are people who disagree with me. They are wrong.'

Patton's political views certainly do not pass muster today. In his diary, he once wrote 'I met Cardinal Spellman. Anti-British, anti-Jew, Anti-Negro. what a guy!'

While Patton's politics and personality grated on a whole lot of people, he was an *excellent* battlefield commander. He was also a great trainer. One of his best, and truest maxims about effective traing was 'a pint of sweat will save you a gallon of blood'.

There's one story about Patton that I do not know if it is true or not, but here goes; during the Great Depression, Patton took command of a post, where, he soon learned that the local townspeople were not kindly disposed to his men. So, after a brainstorm, Patton arranged to have his men paid in two dollar bills. Very soon after payday, the townspeople adjusted their attitude.

In the closing days of WWII, a unit of Patton's 3rd Army found the secret location of the 3rd Reich's gold reserves- and a whole bunch of stolen artwork. After reporting this to Generals Bradley and Eisenhower, Patton admited that he had considered hiding the cache away until after the war when Congress started cutting defense spending- or dividing the loot among every man in the 3rd Army. That as pure Patton. He did not give a damn about money for himself (he was independently wealthy); he cared about his men and his unit.

Finally, upon occasion, Patton had a sense of humor. Anyone who has seen George C. Scott's portrayal of the General in the 1970 movie has probably wondered what Patton would have thought of it. I once in Reader's Digest (I've often looked for further corroboration, but haven't found any), that there was a young officer in the 3rd Army who could do a spot-on impersonation of the General's speech to his troops. This made this young officer very popular amongst his buddies. One night, he was doing his Patton impersonation on stage at a 3rd Army Officer's Club, when ol' Blood and Guts himself showed up. The young officer did his act, and later, went over to Patton's table, and asked him, 'Well, General, how did you enjoy the show tonight?'

And...there ....was...a...very...long....pause. And finally, Patton said, 'Son, I'm *not* going to say just who it is....but *one* of us is a *terrible* ham!'

Letterman's Top Ten

For the benefit of Friends on both sides of the Atlantic, I'm offering one of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists: Ten stupid things Americans say to English people.

10. Is it Halloween, or are those your real teeth?

9. Do you know the Queen?

8. What language are you speaking?

7. Do you eat *anything* that isn't in pie form?

6. *Seriously* are those your *real* *teeth*?

5. When are you going to come over to pick up Posh and Becks?

4. What do you mean, 'Let's go smoke a fag'?

3. Are you speaking English?

2. OK, say that one more time- *in* *American*

1. You know what? England should have its own version of 'The Office'!