Half a Head of Lettuce

Since I'm from Columbus, Ohio, I get to tell this one:

Once upon a time, there was a young man who had a gift for talking his way into trouble, and as well as a gift for talking his way back *out* of trouble. He was working a grocery store when a customer asked hat was the price for half a head of lettuce. He said, "I'll go ask the manager. Unnoticed, the customer followed him.

The young fellow said to the manager, "Some idiot wants to buy half a head of lettuce" Then, realizing that the customer had followed him, added, "And this outstanding gentleman wants to buy the *other* half!"

A little later, the manager took him aside and told "I was impressed with the way you handled that. Our chain is opening up a new store- would you like to be a manager"

"That depends- where is it?"

"Columbus, Ohio."

"COLUMBUS, OHIO?!?! Nothing comes out of Columbus, Ohio, except hookers and football players!"

Dead Silence. Finally, the manager said, "Kid, let me tell you something: my mother is from Columbus, Ohio, my wife is from Columbus, Ohio, and my daughter is from Columbus, Ohio. Any questions?"

"Great! What positions do they play?"