Nanuq’s New Nook

Last year I read a news item that a polar bear named Nanuq’s was going to be relocated to the Columbus Zoo as part of a polar bear breeding program. I imagine there was a conversation that went something like this:

“Okay, Nanuq.  Rise and shine buddy. It’s moving day.  You’re going to another zoo.”

“No, you are not going to the Bronx Zoo …. No, you are not going to the San Diego Zoo… Okay, I’ll tell you where you’re going: you’re going to Columbus, Ohio.”

“Settle down.  Nobody likes a whiny polar bear … seriously, get a grip on yourself. The grizzly bears are going to start teasing you about being a cry baby.  Look, Nanuq, you are going to Columbus, Ohio whether you like it or not … well, the jokes on you buddy I didn’t ride a horse in here.”

“What do you mean, ‘come back in three months?’ Polar bears don’t hibernate.”

“Now, come on.  Settle down.  You’re going to like the Columbus Zoo.  They’ve set you up with a nice apartment, and your roommates are going to be twin sisters.  No kidding! Their names are Anana and Aurora.”

“Hey, where’d that polar bear go, anyhow? How did he get into the cab of the truck?  No, look Nanuq, stop that.  You do not have a license to drive and stop pulling the air horn while you’re at it.”