Jarron Collins

I see that Jason Collins is very much in the news since he came out as the NBA’s first openly gay player.  There has been considerable comment on the fact that he has not been able to sign a contract with any NBA team.  To this I point out that it is hardly news that a 35-year old player who has been with 6 teams in 12 years in the NBA would have difficulty making an NBA roster.  If Mr. Collins did sign a contract, he would not be the oldest player in the NBA, but he would definitely qualify for elder statesman status.  While listening to some pundits speculate on this matter, I asked the question, “What if Jason Collins had a twin whose sexuality was straight?”  Would he be able to get an NBA contract?”  Well, low and behold, he does have a twin brother named Jarron.  They are both 6’11,” they both played college ball at Stanford, and they are both currently without an NBA contract.  To the question of: “Is Jason Collins being discriminated against because of his sexual orientation?” I would say it has not been proven.

The America’s Later Career

I imagine that almost everyone has heard of the America’s Cup named after the ship that won a yachting competition held off the south coast of England back in 1851. When Queen Victoria heard that an American ship named the America had won the race, she asked, “Who won second place?”  The yachting official’s response was, “Madame, there IS no second place!”  For well over a century, the America’s Cup served as the source of an intense rivalry between filthy rich yachtsmen on both sides of the Atlantic who clearly had entirely too much time on their hands. 

I recently learned that the good ship America had an interesting post-racing career.  It served on both sides in the American civil war. When the war broke out, some wealthy southerners put the America into service as a blockade runner, until 1862 when they scuttled it to keep it from falling into Union hands.  Union forces promptly managed to raise and repair the America and put it work enforcing the blockade.  Sadly the America has not survived to this day.  It burned in a warehouse fire after serving many years at the U.S. Naval Academy.  I have always regarded yachting as the perfect sport for millionaires with a great deal more dollars than sense.

Defending My Secretary

My secretary is a wonderful woman of a certain age named Marie Flynn, who supplements her social security income by doing my typing.  My good friend Doug Dougherty told me many years ago, that if you want to be a successful lawyer, take care of your secretary first.  I have tried to take that advice to heart.  

A few months ago, Ms. Flynn told me she was completely puzzled by a letter she received from someone she’d never heard of before.  I glanced at it briefly and it seemed to be in the tone of “Hi there, how are you, you’re so wonderful I would love to hear from, etc. etc. etc.” I was just as puzzled as she until I examined the envelope and noticed that the return address included a *six* digit number. It then dawned on me that Marie had received a fan letter from a guy doing time in a Maryland prison.  At that point, I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry (I assure one and all that Marie does not make a habit of socializing with convicted criminals).  I IMMEDIATELY dictated a letter to Marie’s would-be suitor informing him that if he ever wrote her again I would pursue both legal action and administrative remedies.  I signed it, including my Ohio Supreme Court registration number.  I then called the prison and notified the corrections officer in charge of the prison’s intelligence section that this guy was trying to scam my secretary.  We have not heard from that convict Casanova since.  

Be advised: no one knows exactly how nasty I can get until you start messing with my secretary.

$40 in Olongapo

Back in December of 1989, I was on board the U.S.S. Leahy when it pulled into Olongapo in the Philippines, so I can say that I have seen, first-hand, exactly what jerks American teenagers can be when they are around young women who are desperate to feed their families.  I abided by the great unwritten law of ships visiting Olongapo: Don't take a camera ashore because somebody might cram it down your throat.  I remember having a Coke at one of the Olongapo bars.  One of the local girls chatted with me and I wound up just giving her a $20 and told her to take the rest of the night off.  The Filipino girls are built like American middle school girls.  I can see being nice to them, but I kept things G-rated.

I did, after all, wind up spending $40 on a gal in Olongapo by the name of Chat Cruz. Some of my readers will rightly suspect I am throwing a curve ball.  I found out she was an unmarried woman with 3 children, so I invited her, her three kids and her mother out to dinner. The tab for a first rate dinner in Olongapo came to $40.  Afterwards, as I walked them home, her youngest — a little boy of about 6 — reached up and caught hold of my little finger as we walked. I couldn't help but wonder how he would cope with his life’s challenges in the years ahead.  Unsurprisingly, nobody ever mentioned anything about those children’s father(s).

The Arkansas Question

My father grew up in Osceola, Arkansas; a county seat town in the extreme northeastern corner of the state.  He once mentioned to me that when he was growing up some of the stores were owned by Jewish families and that one local merchant had a flower bed in the shape in the Star of David.  I did a bit of research on the internet and, while there had been many Jewish families in Mississippi County, there had never been enough of them to organize a synagogue.  My slightly warped sense of humor and equally warped curiosity got the better of me.  I wondered what would be the reaction of a good Jewish family if one of their children was accepted at the University of Arkansas who’s mascot is the razor back hog.  I did some more web surfing and found out that there was a Jewish student association at the University of Arkansas.  I sent that association’s president a very polite email inquiring if they had any problem with the mascot.  I received a very nice reply: “We like cheering for them we just don’t eat them.” I wonder if they qualify as the “kosher hogs?”

John de Lancie

Back in 1974, the BBC put on a 13-part miniseries entitled “The Fall of Eagles,” which described the end of the imperial dynasties of Germany, Austria, Hungary and Russia. 

One of my favorite professors from my days at Ohio State, Alan Beyerchen, appeared on a panel discussion at the local PBS TV station with two other professors, commenting on the episodes.  He told me that he didn’t mind speaking about “The Fall of Eagles,” but he certainly hoped that his and his colleagues’ commentary would not become known as “The Rise of Turkeys.”

One of the best performances on that miniseries was Patrick Stewarts’ depiction of Vladimir Lenin.  I recently watched one of those episodes again and was surprised and amused to see that one of Lenin’s rivals in In one of the pre-revolutionary communist party caucuses was portrayed by John de Lancie, the actor who portrayed Q in Star Trek: The New Generation.  I found myself chuckling, “those two are destined to meet in a different life in a different century.”  

Name Change?

While listening to Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee speak, I wonder if I am the only one who thinks she might want to consider changing her name to Sheila Sherman Grant.