Sunday, July 25, 2010

Lindsay Lohan and the Tap Dancing Mule

Upon reading of Lindsay Lohan’s incarceration, I was reminded of a story I tell often at the courthouse: the one about the tap-dancing mule. The story goes that a farmer once had a mule that could tap dance—it was quite impressive, looking rather like Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers simultaneously. One day, a circus owner approached the farmer and offered him a huge sum of money for the equine curiosity. The farmer informed him, “You just bought yourself a mule.” The circus owner put the mule in the big top and people came from far and wide to see the amazing tap dancing mule. Unfortunately, when the curtain came up, the mule just stood their looking stupid and there was a riot because everybody wanted their money back. The circus owner took the mule back to the farmer and informed him that there was a serious problem because the mule would not tap dance. The farmer picked up a baseball bat and smashed the mule right between the eyes at which point the mule started tap dancing. The farmer commented, “That’s gist the thing about this critter. Sometimes you just gotta get his attention.” I hope that Ms. Lohan’s stay in the Crossbar Hotel turns out to be a baseball bat between the eyes for her. If she doesn’t achieve sobriety *really* soon, I think its just about even money that she will not live to celebrate her 30th birthday.

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